2 years ago, I went on a trip to Japan with my sons. This was the life changing moment that gave me a Suprise that the world is accessible, and I can travel to far off lands and I will be ok. I explored alone at times, and I took the subway alone and went shopping and managed to get home again tired and exhilarated. Just because I hit 60 does not mean I have to get ready to stop everything, learn to sew and knit and grow to love bingo, which by the way I did try, and it was so boring.
This was the trip that started it all, not just the excitement about travel but the concern that my time is running out and the unspoken concern about growing older and becoming unable to make choices for myself. I never had a midlife crisis, so I guess this was it.
The world is not hard to navigate and it's probably the only thing I felt was out of reach for me. Not financially so much as courageously. I see myself as a very courageous person I will always try something new.
But I have been in a fog the last few years trying to piece together what my future is supposed to look like as I head to retirement. I have had my family, started successful company's and businesses, I have navigated relationships very unsuccessfully. So, the one thing I know for sure is I am far happier single with the love and support of my family.
As the fog began to clear I started to see the light again and realized that my life was not coming to an end it was just beginning again. I realized that life is compartmentalized into phases or stages. It was time to rejoice and celebrate for the ending of one phase, taking all the lessons from that period of my life and being grateful for everything, good and bad, accepting I can't go back but that maybe I am living the best years right now, so it's time to embrace them and boy am I ready for it.
Bring on the fun.
Madam Tussauds in Tokyo was hilarious fun.
The past and the present side by side.
It's like life, I have to live with the past no matter how that looks it's a constant in my life and is the fabric of who I am and who I will become, but it does not define me. I don't have to live there; it's just an old ruin that I used to call myself. It was part of my personal evolution and can stand side by side with who I am today. but there is distance between then and now and I choose to live in today. Today I am a better me because of the ruins of my past, so I am grateful for them. I only have today to plan and dream and feel and love so I am grateful for today, and tomorrow, who knows....